Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
