You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
All I want is dick and wine.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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