she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
