Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
