Your dad touched me again.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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