I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
