Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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