Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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