I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
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My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
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I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I am mentally ready for anal.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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