Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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