Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
