Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
