Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
