Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
