you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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