Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
