so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
