dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
