Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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