I am full of burrito and curiosity
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize