they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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