some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
