when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
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