Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
