i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
