It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
