I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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