i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
