Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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