So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
