You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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