U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
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