If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
