The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
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I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
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I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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