He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
