dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
