my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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