Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
