I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
