What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
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I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
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He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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