Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
you win again, gameday.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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