Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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