yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
