Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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