I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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