An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
