I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
