I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
