Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
