you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
