marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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