Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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