Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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