He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
