On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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