somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
