It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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