God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
