How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
