I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
