All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
