I'll bet she douches with gravy.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Less talking, more tequila
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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